Just have a dream when my recently deceased uncle speaks to me. My first reaction is frightened, no exception there. But when that passed, a deeper thought reveals that it is the Voice from the Other side speaking to me.
Friends have helped interpret the dream for me and it shows how Death can be a transcendent function – when they told me that I am in fact Death-friendly!!! Not easy to accept indeed but when one has a dream that points to the song Music of the Night not too long ago, don’t think I can really say that it is not mine.
I have been pondering since what that dream means, and how such consciousness would lead to a greater awakening. I came up with the Chinese title yesterday and I think it sums it up really well. To live like this in this earthly realm can be such an awakening. I am trying to deepen into this state of consciousness.
And your body surely would chime along. Not to mention having this torturing migraine for the last few days when the Chinese doctor told me that it is emotions related. Boy should I be surprised or not?!
The last two weeks I have been struggling if I should start looking for a job to earn some income. Of course the mind and body is not cooperating! Talking with my roommate really helps and she helps me to settle out with the idea that I can still work a fulltime job but then spend my after work hours exploring the Hospice Work which the dream indicates is my line of “work”. That sounded like a good idea and the chattering mind conflict finally seemed to settle out a bit.
And when that happens I got a call from an agency for two possible job openings. Isn’t this nice?
Friday, August 24, 2007
Doing Nothing and Emptying
August 09
Aug 9th. First typhoon in Hong Kong. My roommate was hoping that Signal No.8 will be hoisted but turned out the cyclone was a not so strong one afterall. She has to go to work today.
Indeed going back to exercise after 10 days of not doing it was quite tiring. But today I actually felt better after back in the exercise routine from Tue. Body feels lighter.
I had an interesting interview yesterday. Interesting in the sense that it was not at all what I was expecting. Nonetheless an advice from a good friend also points out to me that whether I can do this job depends on whether I can empty out. Like a full glass of water whether I can empty all of that inside.
Keep me thinking since. Even though I claimed I have been doing nothing in the past seven months, my mind was not. In fact it was quite occupied with feelings of worry and uncertainty. It just dawned on me what she said to me about emptying. Independent of whether I am going to take that job or not, I have to empty out my "past" to make room for the future.
I have jokingly said that I am doing nothing but realistically I have not been resting at all. Maybe I should begin to do that now....
God bless me.
Aug 9th. First typhoon in Hong Kong. My roommate was hoping that Signal No.8 will be hoisted but turned out the cyclone was a not so strong one afterall. She has to go to work today.
Indeed going back to exercise after 10 days of not doing it was quite tiring. But today I actually felt better after back in the exercise routine from Tue. Body feels lighter.
I had an interesting interview yesterday. Interesting in the sense that it was not at all what I was expecting. Nonetheless an advice from a good friend also points out to me that whether I can do this job depends on whether I can empty out. Like a full glass of water whether I can empty all of that inside.
Keep me thinking since. Even though I claimed I have been doing nothing in the past seven months, my mind was not. In fact it was quite occupied with feelings of worry and uncertainty. It just dawned on me what she said to me about emptying. Independent of whether I am going to take that job or not, I have to empty out my "past" to make room for the future.
I have jokingly said that I am doing nothing but realistically I have not been resting at all. Maybe I should begin to do that now....
God bless me.
Heroes - I can't do it without you
July 18
Just finished the series Heroes Season 1. (It will be shown on Pearl starting from August 7th.)
As the series progress, more and more I heard the Heroes are saying "I can't do this without you." A sudden sense of compassion fills me. I mean, given Heroes as they are, they know they cannot do this alone. They reach out and ask for help. They seek each other out and try to do this together with one theme at heart. They honour each other.
And in a way the series also take a very honest look about being special, being given something of power. And how frightful it can be when you are carrying something not of the collective even though in most of our minds we would think that it is something great. The sacrifice of being special and the beauty of being simple.
And Unconditional Love includes it all, special and simple, power and powerlessness.
Just finished the series Heroes Season 1. (It will be shown on Pearl starting from August 7th.)
As the series progress, more and more I heard the Heroes are saying "I can't do this without you." A sudden sense of compassion fills me. I mean, given Heroes as they are, they know they cannot do this alone. They reach out and ask for help. They seek each other out and try to do this together with one theme at heart. They honour each other.
And in a way the series also take a very honest look about being special, being given something of power. And how frightful it can be when you are carrying something not of the collective even though in most of our minds we would think that it is something great. The sacrifice of being special and the beauty of being simple.
And Unconditional Love includes it all, special and simple, power and powerlessness.
Go on? or Quit?
June 25
Comment from Joel has stirred another thought, that which has already been stirring in my mind. And this takes another message to elaborate on it to open it up even further.
Indeed alot of time the hiking was done alone. Yes, walking alone most of the time and you noticed in your mind there is a lot of noise(s) -- debating when to stop, what is the pacing, when to have lunch, when to stop and take pictures, or not, when to stop and pee and drink water etc. Yes, 堅持? 還是放棄?
After the outer kora, there is the inner kora which takes 10 hours to complete. It's a tougher climb (highest being 20,000 feet) and there is a steep 50 feet cliff climb where you have to use all four limbs to lift the body up. Immediately after hearing this I already knew it's not for me. Team leader again explains to me that the first 2.5 hour is an easy walk towards Kailash where you can see the Southern face opens up right in front of you and a lot of pilgrims would just go the first 2.5 hour and walk back. Sound good to me. So the next morning I followed those who are undertaking the inner kora.
Just as the team leader said, it was a lovely plateau where Kailash opened up right in front of your eyes. Sitting there greeting Mount Kailash face to face was already an experience. After a short meditation, I decided to turn back with the Sharpa that was helping me carrying my backpack for the outer kora and also for this inner kora. At this point in time, the team leader asked me if it's okay for me to carry my own bag and walked back so that "my" Sharpa can go on. It was an interesting cross-road in my mind, as over the last 3 days, I have grown to depend on my Sharpa and the attachment is quite obvious between us. And he has also expressed that he did not need to complete the inner kora if I was not doing it. The question from the team leader seemed to break that bonding right there and I was reluctant. But then he went on to say that maybe the Sharpa can go on to help others that were doing the inner kora.
A voice in me said to me that it's okay to "give it up", and there is something that will happen. So I said okay. I said goodbye to my Sharpa as he helped me to put my backpack back on. Took me the same time to walk back and it was almost 9pm before the eight came back to base camp from the inner kora.
One of the eight came up to me and said "thank you" because the Sharpa has helped her carried her bag when she needed it the most so that she can finish it. And then at the most dangerous part when the rocks are loose, she is able to yell at the one in front to watch out for "Rocks! Rocks!" when a rock is about to hit her head. Then another person at the 50 feet cliff climb was falling because there was no place to grasp when my Sharpa was able to hold her thigh to prevent her from falling.
I kept wondering ever since will there be a difference if 1. I decided to go on with the inner kora, or 2. that I have decided to keep my Sharpa to walk back with me...
Comment from Joel has stirred another thought, that which has already been stirring in my mind. And this takes another message to elaborate on it to open it up even further.
Indeed alot of time the hiking was done alone. Yes, walking alone most of the time and you noticed in your mind there is a lot of noise(s) -- debating when to stop, what is the pacing, when to have lunch, when to stop and take pictures, or not, when to stop and pee and drink water etc. Yes, 堅持? 還是放棄?
After the outer kora, there is the inner kora which takes 10 hours to complete. It's a tougher climb (highest being 20,000 feet) and there is a steep 50 feet cliff climb where you have to use all four limbs to lift the body up. Immediately after hearing this I already knew it's not for me. Team leader again explains to me that the first 2.5 hour is an easy walk towards Kailash where you can see the Southern face opens up right in front of you and a lot of pilgrims would just go the first 2.5 hour and walk back. Sound good to me. So the next morning I followed those who are undertaking the inner kora.
Just as the team leader said, it was a lovely plateau where Kailash opened up right in front of your eyes. Sitting there greeting Mount Kailash face to face was already an experience. After a short meditation, I decided to turn back with the Sharpa that was helping me carrying my backpack for the outer kora and also for this inner kora. At this point in time, the team leader asked me if it's okay for me to carry my own bag and walked back so that "my" Sharpa can go on. It was an interesting cross-road in my mind, as over the last 3 days, I have grown to depend on my Sharpa and the attachment is quite obvious between us. And he has also expressed that he did not need to complete the inner kora if I was not doing it. The question from the team leader seemed to break that bonding right there and I was reluctant. But then he went on to say that maybe the Sharpa can go on to help others that were doing the inner kora.
A voice in me said to me that it's okay to "give it up", and there is something that will happen. So I said okay. I said goodbye to my Sharpa as he helped me to put my backpack back on. Took me the same time to walk back and it was almost 9pm before the eight came back to base camp from the inner kora.
One of the eight came up to me and said "thank you" because the Sharpa has helped her carried her bag when she needed it the most so that she can finish it. And then at the most dangerous part when the rocks are loose, she is able to yell at the one in front to watch out for "Rocks! Rocks!" when a rock is about to hit her head. Then another person at the 50 feet cliff climb was falling because there was no place to grasp when my Sharpa was able to hold her thigh to prevent her from falling.
I kept wondering ever since will there be a difference if 1. I decided to go on with the inner kora, or 2. that I have decided to keep my Sharpa to walk back with me...
Kailash Pilgrimage
June 20
過去的三十天，對於我這位從未渡過野外生活，亦從未認真行過像「毅行者」一般山路的人，深感能完成回來已是一種福氣。
年頭剛遲去幹了十四年的老本行，適逢其會，碰上老師推薦一位同修的美國同學舉辦一次神山 (Mt Kailash) 聖湖的朝聖之旅，再也合適不過。當即報名，也怱忙去Calif 報名，由三月頭開始的訓練，準備今次朝聖之旅。
行程由尼泊爾開始，以連續五天每天八小時的行山腳程用來適應高山症，以及準備圍繞神山一圈的三日朝聖。上山下水、下雨下雪、驕陽大風，終於行到五月三十一日 Ｓagadawa節，亦正式宣布神山朝聖的開始。
聖湖是圍山行前必到的地方，Lake Manasarovar 是那樣的蔚藍碧綠，天水如一。遠眺神山，合成的景象是那樣的恬靜和諧，是那份天地初開，本來就是如此的自然和諧。身處其中，感受天、地、人的聯合，情深感動的眼淚不期然掉下來。是喜悅的，是悸動的，是驚喜的，是和平的，是遼闊的，是豁達的，是謙卑的…天上地下已無分別。
身體可是不爭氣，挨不了凍，竟自動向領隊提出放棄行神山的要求。「朝聖是會遇到障礙的」，領隊向我溫柔地說。「不如先不要作决定，先走完第一天，比較容易，再看看第二日走不走吧。」
走罷第一天，成功完成，可惜藏牛隊伍卻因大雪走失了，帳幕睡袋一時不知去向。慶幸在營地附近正有一客棧在興建中，管理的願意讓我們渡宿一宵。而過了不多久牛隊亦在這時（十時半）歸隊。這晚，能睡在睡袋中，有瓦遮頭（而不是睡在帳幕中），心中已滿是感激。睡致半夜，被一輪溫柔的光線照醒，放眼一看，原來睡時面正正朝窗，神山圓月就透過窗，用溫柔的月色把我全身覆蓋照亮。我被眼前的景象震動了！神山正以溫柔的一面跟我說話，陪伴我，照亮我，支持我。天色是晴朗的，山和月就這樣互相映照著。這一剎那就是這般的心滿、意足，別無所求。我好清晰的感受到，我會去走完神山之行，是這樣理所當然、本應如此的。神山已在我心深處留下了記認。第二日起來陽光充沛，和其他團友先後分別來到Dolma-La pass，亦各自分別「重生」。心中載得滿滿的…
餘下的時間，分別用了四天由西藏的西面乘車及步行到拉薩。沿途也參觀了出名的寺院，及觀賞遊牧民族的特色。牧羊的有，牧牛的有。
到了拉薩，已跟一般中國城市沒有大分別。有事需提前回港，未有緣參觀Potala Palace，倒買了一幅Mandala 回來。Thanka好漂亮，可惜一不懂辨別古董真偽，二來價錢亦頗昂貴。
三天前回到香港，團友說像這樣的朝聖經歷，真正的開悟體驗要大概兩個月才「出來」，因為身體各方面要從「生還者」的模式恢復過來。好，就等吧。
過去的三十天，對於我這位從未渡過野外生活，亦從未認真行過像「毅行者」一般山路的人，深感能完成回來已是一種福氣。
年頭剛遲去幹了十四年的老本行，適逢其會，碰上老師推薦一位同修的美國同學舉辦一次神山 (Mt Kailash) 聖湖的朝聖之旅，再也合適不過。當即報名，也怱忙去Calif 報名，由三月頭開始的訓練，準備今次朝聖之旅。
行程由尼泊爾開始，以連續五天每天八小時的行山腳程用來適應高山症，以及準備圍繞神山一圈的三日朝聖。上山下水、下雨下雪、驕陽大風，終於行到五月三十一日 Ｓagadawa節，亦正式宣布神山朝聖的開始。
聖湖是圍山行前必到的地方，Lake Manasarovar 是那樣的蔚藍碧綠，天水如一。遠眺神山，合成的景象是那樣的恬靜和諧，是那份天地初開，本來就是如此的自然和諧。身處其中，感受天、地、人的聯合，情深感動的眼淚不期然掉下來。是喜悅的，是悸動的，是驚喜的，是和平的，是遼闊的，是豁達的，是謙卑的…天上地下已無分別。
身體可是不爭氣，挨不了凍，竟自動向領隊提出放棄行神山的要求。「朝聖是會遇到障礙的」，領隊向我溫柔地說。「不如先不要作决定，先走完第一天，比較容易，再看看第二日走不走吧。」
走罷第一天，成功完成，可惜藏牛隊伍卻因大雪走失了，帳幕睡袋一時不知去向。慶幸在營地附近正有一客棧在興建中，管理的願意讓我們渡宿一宵。而過了不多久牛隊亦在這時（十時半）歸隊。這晚，能睡在睡袋中，有瓦遮頭（而不是睡在帳幕中），心中已滿是感激。睡致半夜，被一輪溫柔的光線照醒，放眼一看，原來睡時面正正朝窗，神山圓月就透過窗，用溫柔的月色把我全身覆蓋照亮。我被眼前的景象震動了！神山正以溫柔的一面跟我說話，陪伴我，照亮我，支持我。天色是晴朗的，山和月就這樣互相映照著。這一剎那就是這般的心滿、意足，別無所求。我好清晰的感受到，我會去走完神山之行，是這樣理所當然、本應如此的。神山已在我心深處留下了記認。第二日起來陽光充沛，和其他團友先後分別來到Dolma-La pass，亦各自分別「重生」。心中載得滿滿的…
餘下的時間，分別用了四天由西藏的西面乘車及步行到拉薩。沿途也參觀了出名的寺院，及觀賞遊牧民族的特色。牧羊的有，牧牛的有。
到了拉薩，已跟一般中國城市沒有大分別。有事需提前回港，未有緣參觀Potala Palace，倒買了一幅Mandala 回來。Thanka好漂亮，可惜一不懂辨別古董真偽，二來價錢亦頗昂貴。
三天前回到香港，團友說像這樣的朝聖經歷，真正的開悟體驗要大概兩個月才「出來」，因為身體各方面要從「生還者」的模式恢復過來。好，就等吧。
Music of the Night
April 19
Had a dream right on the verge of my birthday that's on Death. And the song Music of the Night seemed to depict the feeling(s) so nicely. Here it is:
Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defences
Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the night
Close you eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before!
Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar
And you'll live as you've never lived before
Softly, deftly, music shall surround you
Feel it, hear it closing in around you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night
Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to be
Only then can you belong to me
Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night
You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night
----------------------------------
Now as I am re-posting it, suddenly I realize how this song has depicted my plight since I left my job - and is to follow my soul song to move back to the "Night".
"Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to be
Only then can you belong to me"
I hope, I pray, I kowtow, I kneel to this....
Had a dream right on the verge of my birthday that's on Death. And the song Music of the Night seemed to depict the feeling(s) so nicely. Here it is:
Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defences
Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the night
Close you eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before!
Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar
And you'll live as you've never lived before
Softly, deftly, music shall surround you
Feel it, hear it closing in around you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night
Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to be
Only then can you belong to me
Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night
You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night
----------------------------------
Now as I am re-posting it, suddenly I realize how this song has depicted my plight since I left my job - and is to follow my soul song to move back to the "Night".
"Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to be
Only then can you belong to me"
I hope, I pray, I kowtow, I kneel to this....
First 7 days of 2007
January 07
Finally left my old job. In a way it's leaving my old identity behind and moving on to a new phase of my life. To say new is not entirely accurate, it just seemed I am just beginning to live out the "real" life. Just a step closer to what is.
It's been a week and observed that the mind is not settling as easy as I thought. Guess it really takes some time for things to unload.
Habits.
Delighted and excited. It's almost like seeing my life slowly reveal itself in front of my eyes - can this be manifestion in its true sense?!
Grateful for what has happened thus far. It is almost like learning now on how to place yourself with God.
And don't forget joy.
Finally left my old job. In a way it's leaving my old identity behind and moving on to a new phase of my life. To say new is not entirely accurate, it just seemed I am just beginning to live out the "real" life. Just a step closer to what is.
It's been a week and observed that the mind is not settling as easy as I thought. Guess it really takes some time for things to unload.
Habits.
Delighted and excited. It's almost like seeing my life slowly reveal itself in front of my eyes - can this be manifestion in its true sense?!
Grateful for what has happened thus far. It is almost like learning now on how to place yourself with God.
And don't forget joy.
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