Go on? or Quit?

June 25

Comment from Joel has stirred another thought, that which has already been stirring in my mind. And this takes another message to elaborate on it to open it up even further.

Indeed alot of time the hiking was done alone. Yes, walking alone most of the time and you noticed in your mind there is a lot of noise(s) -- debating when to stop, what is the pacing, when to have lunch, when to stop and take pictures, or not, when to stop and pee and drink water etc. Yes, 堅持? 還是放棄?

After the outer kora, there is the inner kora which takes 10 hours to complete. It's a tougher climb (highest being 20,000 feet) and there is a steep 50 feet cliff climb where you have to use all four limbs to lift the body up. Immediately after hearing this I already knew it's not for me. Team leader again explains to me that the first 2.5 hour is an easy walk towards Kailash where you can see the Southern face opens up right in front of you and a lot of pilgrims would just go the first 2.5 hour and walk back. Sound good to me. So the next morning I followed those who are undertaking the inner kora.

Just as the team leader said, it was a lovely plateau where Kailash opened up right in front of your eyes. Sitting there greeting Mount Kailash face to face was already an experience. After a short meditation, I decided to turn back with the Sharpa that was helping me carrying my backpack for the outer kora and also for this inner kora. At this point in time, the team leader asked me if it's okay for me to carry my own bag and walked back so that "my" Sharpa can go on. It was an interesting cross-road in my mind, as over the last 3 days, I have grown to depend on my Sharpa and the attachment is quite obvious between us. And he has also expressed that he did not need to complete the inner kora if I was not doing it. The question from the team leader seemed to break that bonding right there and I was reluctant. But then he went on to say that maybe the Sharpa can go on to help others that were doing the inner kora.

A voice in me said to me that it's okay to "give it up", and there is something that will happen. So I said okay. I said goodbye to my Sharpa as he helped me to put my backpack back on. Took me the same time to walk back and it was almost 9pm before the eight came back to base camp from the inner kora.

One of the eight came up to me and said "thank you" because the Sharpa has helped her carried her bag when she needed it the most so that she can finish it. And then at the most dangerous part when the rocks are loose, she is able to yell at the one in front to watch out for "Rocks! Rocks!" when a rock is about to hit her head. Then another person at the 50 feet cliff climb was falling because there was no place to grasp when my Sharpa was able to hold her thigh to prevent her from falling.

I kept wondering ever since will there be a difference if 1. I decided to go on with the inner kora, or 2. that I have decided to keep my Sharpa to walk back with me...