INFJ

Still pondering on my new role, and how certain colleagues just would not answer emails.

Politics, politics, such difficult topics.

I am of Jungian type INFJ and this passage says "Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths."

Sigh... Should be a teacher somehow, somewhere....

To See the World ...

William Blake - Auguries of Innocence

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

從一粒沙去透視世界，由一朵野花去窺見天堂。
以你的手去掌握無限，在一小時裡拿捏永恆。

一沙一世界 一花一天堂
掌中握無限 剎那成永恆


Complete verse:

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.

A dove-house fill'd with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell thro' all its regions.
A dog starv'd at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.

A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.

A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipt and arm'd for fight
Does the rising sun affright.

Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.

The wild deer, wand'ring here and there,
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misus'd breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.

The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.

He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be belov'd by men.
He who the ox to wrath has mov'd
Shall never be by woman lov'd.

The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.

The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the last judgement draweth nigh.

He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them and thou wilt grow fat.

The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of envy's foot.

The poison of the honey bee
Is the artist's jealousy.

The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.

It is right it should be so;
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.

Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.

The babe is more than swaddling bands;
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;

This is caught by females bright,
And return'd to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar,
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.

The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes revenge in realms of death.
The beggar's rags, fluttering in air,
Does to rags the heavens tear.

The soldier, arm'd with sword and gun,
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.

One mite wrung from the lab'rer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands;
Or, if protected from on high,
Does that whole nation sell and buy.

He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mock'd in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.

He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.

The questioner, who sits so sly,
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.

The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.

When gold and gems adorn the plow,
To peaceful arts shall envy bow.
A riddle, or the cricket's cry,
Is to doubt a fit reply.

The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.

If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.

The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding-sheet.

The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.

Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.

We are led to believe a lie
When we see not thro' the eye,
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.

God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.

Returning to the Sea

Death comes in threes. First it started with my Tsunami dream. And then my Uncle's death. And now my Father's.

At the end of the day I guess we all return to the Great Mother. We all return to the Sea (see?). After seven days, father does transfigured from a rainbow body to a full light-body being. He is on his way to be in one with the Universal Soul.

And the Soul does take care of things without us knowing it. Yesterday I was so moved when I received a call from my mother and learnt that she has her own way of releasing, letting go of the grief for the loss of her husband. And I am glad to know that she has plans to go on living, and that she has definite ideas as to what she wants to do and live. And then I received another call from my sister. A simple call really just to see if I am interested to get a large salon size facial gel cleaner while she is getting one for herself. That's her way of showing concern and letting go of grief as well.

I felt touched, relieved and moved, to learn that the Soul is really much wiser than we are. IT will take care of us. And that I do not have to worry so much about them. The Soul will take care of them and do what is best for them. And that some weight can be let down off my shoulders.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen.

錢？水！

Today last year, it was the second day of my circumambulation of Kailash. The day where we reached the highest point of the 3-day circmbulation, and the day where we dedicated our past for a new life and future. Silently in my heart I am still in awe of what the journey has brought me to date, and pondering what may come next.

Yesterday the word 同胞 was the first thing ringing in my mind when I woke up. My mind began to contemplate what this two words mean. How far have we gone from 同志 to 同胞 especially seen through the latest earthquake. Such closeness and oneness when we speak of 同胞! Literally it is "same cell". And of course later during the day when I found out there was the Artistes512 show from 2-10 pm for fund raising. This 同胞 essence was brought to its zenith that I can see in recent years. And I am moved/touched/celebrated to begin to see humanity germinating in the mind of Chinese, be it Hong Kong Chinese, Maninland Chinese and Taiwanese Chinese.

And sharing. Brought me back to something happened during my pilgrimage also. As we all have seen on TV, there are Tibetian practioners whom would do the pilgrimage in the most sacred way, i.e. to use all five limbs to touch the ground as they do the whole circuambulation around Kailash. Our leader told us before hand that we can prepare some small change to give to them as a sign to support them. I did not change much, even though in my heart I had the deepest respect for them.

I saw a few of them, some even did it in a family, with the father leading, the daughter in the middle and the mother following. Some did it in a small group. I ran into two women whom were doing the pilgrimage together in this most sacred way. I was taking a break myself when I saw them coming along. I waited for them to pass to show my respect. Well, they stopped right where I stopped also. I thought it's time and I should give them some change as a sign of support. I reached in my pocket and found that I have no more left. So I moved my shoulders and opened my hands to indicate to them that I had no more change and that I am sorry. They smiled and pointed in the direction of my pocket. I give them an embarassing smile to indicate to them that I have no more change. There was a moment of silence and that was that.

I then took out my water bottle to have a drink of water. One of them came up to me and pointed at the water bottle. Immediately I knew what they were asking and what they were pointing at before. I was so ashamed! I immediately poured water in her hands and she took in all in. The other woman also came forward and again I poured water into her hands as well. Afterwards I asked them if they wanted more. They shaked their head and cross their hands and thanked me. Then they moved on. But I was totally stunned! For a while I was totally speechless. What was I thinking! It was the most vivid time that I realized money is not the solution to everything. And not everyone wants that. And money is not applicable in all situation. How different is that value system can be?! It opened my eyes to begin to see/understand/feel deeper what is truly needed in a situation.

無為

This thought/concept/idea has sprung to mind lately as I am trying to learn and understand powerlessness. Two passages that I came across that illustrate this well.

The first one is:

THE DIVINE SON IN THE VALE OF THE SOUL by John Ruysbroeck

'Now understand this: when the sun sends its beams and it's radiance into a deep valley between two high mountains, and, standing in the zenith, can yet shine upon the bottom and ground of the valley, then three things happen: the valley becomes full of light by reflections from the mountains, and it receives more heat, and becomes more fruitful, than the plain and level country. And so likewise, when a good man takes his stand upon his own littleness, in the most lowly part of himself, and confesses and knows that he has nothing, and is nothing, and can do nothing of himself, neither stand still nor go on, and when he sees how often he fails in virtues and good works: then he confesses his poverty and his helplessness, then he makes a valley of humility....
...Then, this valley, the humble heart receives, receives three things: it becomes more radiant and enlightened by grace, it becomes more ardent in charity, and it becomes more fruitful in perfect virtues and in good works.

...yep... It says right there "and can do nothing of himself". My understanding to be 無為。

And of course the second is in our own 道德經:

王邦雄教授說：「『反』就是復歸其自身的法則，而此法則，就是天之道之均衡和諧的作用。道就在天地相合的均衡中，為天地之始...道之所以能長久的生養化成天地萬物，就在其『不自生』的虛，此即老子所謂的弱。」

...yep... 物極必反。而最精彩的，竟然這就是 balance and harmony.
...yep... 不自生 的虛，non-generating emptiness. 舍利子 是諸法空相 不生不滅 不垢不淨 不增不減...
...yep... 所謂的弱，and here it comes. Powerlessness!!! Putting it in contrast. 強者, power-ful(l). 弱者, power-less.

Oh, so much to appreciate and contain in this two short little paragraph.

TGIF

Yes it's Friday! I missed this feeling for such a long time. Only today have I re-begun to enjoy and look forward to a Friday - after a full week of work.

Yes, I have started in a temp job this past Monday. Partner has said that I am alive again on Tuesday after working for two days, compared to the previous "All Play and No Work makes Fiona a Dull Girl" days. Ya, ya, ya, believe it or not!

Yet this job is not easy at all. Not my field of expertise and a lot of things I really have to learn. It's like I am exercising a different set of muscles now. I am also taking this opportunity to re-establish my boundaries between work and play. I have already passed the line today when there is an urgent job - only my fifth day at work and it seemed I have been there for a long time and done a lot already.

Oh well, next Monday is Buddha's birthday and gives a nice break.

And from the bottom of my heart, I truly am grateful to the Buddha, Dakini, God who has heard my prayers.

Once again, I love Fridays.

Baba Yaga

Was reading the book "Women Who Run With the Wolves" and in there is Baba Yaga whom is the Old Wild Mother, the Life/Death/Life Mother Goddess, the Witch (as in wit), the One Who Knows. She teaches both death and renewal.

Through greeting with Her and serving Her, we acknowledge that the Life/Death/Life cycle is a natural one. Both life-giving and death-dealing natures are waiting to be befriended, forever loved. In this process, we become like the cyclical wild. We have the ability to infuse energy and strengthen life, and to stand out of the way of what dies. We received a part of the wild Hag's power, this deep knowing via instinct and intuition.

Perhaps She has come into my dreams and since then things are stirred and going forward - without me consciously knowing.

Today I landed on a temporary job. I am quite happy and thrilled. Perhaps this is entering into another great cycle to be lived and explored.

Gratitude to be out of the pit hole.

A Beginning of Love

Continuing from the state of Powerless I feel I am completely surrounded by a thick dense layer of fog. I cannot see clearly anymore, I don’t know what to think anymore. I was in a primal state of chaos and confusion 混沌. I feel like I was dead, with the body dragging across the land but without knowing where to go. Any thoughts coming up in my head I cannot help but dismiss them because I know they are wrong and will not serve me anymore. The sense of unknowing was so strongly present. If it was the me before I would perceive this condition of unknowing to be very good, for the hidden agenda that it is a sign for a new budding of knowing – this is coming from a sense of Power if you know what I mean. But this time this sense of unknowing is different. I truly feel that I don’t know a thing. I am so tiny and small. Compared to this huge universe, I am only a very tiny piece that doesn’t even know where to fit in the grand scheme of things. I feel heavy and empty at the same time as if I cannot contain anything anymore. There is nothing left for me.

My partner was asking me “what would I like to do today”. A very simple question. It was a question out of love but to me the question is like an atomic bomb being thrown at me. I said, “I envy people like you who knows what you like to do. I never know how to answer that question because I don’t know.” Tears, tears and more tears. At that moment I just feel all my beliefs are gone, all my values are gone, all my power is gone, all my faith is gone, all my confidence that I ever have was gone. Everything was gone. It is as if they were never mine to begin with. There is nothing. Point blank.

Just when I feel I am at rock bottom my friend from New York called me yesterday morning. She remembered it was my birthday.

She has indeed put some senses back to me. She said I have given up my power to my friends, to my family, to my sister, to my job. She re-assures me that there is power in me, and that I can stand up for myself. She gave me two Chinese proverbs that I would like to put it down here for myself:

山窮水盡而無路　柳暗花明又一村

山不轉路轉　路不轉人轉

I am grateful for having a true friend like her.

Believe it or not (I am a true believer), my dreams are indicating the same thing. Friends who know dreams better are giving me the following oracular advice: "Own the gift that greets you from within, that shining beauty and aggressive free spirit, that ownership of self in the face of inner judgement is with you on this 'rite' of passage. When the out-projected triggers to love's attatchment are found, owned and accepted in service to life and self from within, then 'inner Fiona' can simply be Fiona and you both may discover, accept and enjoy without hidden agendas, what life has to offer through you both." Such wise words.

A beginning of love that begins with powerlessness.

Powerless

The whole last week I was in a state of depression. Not wanting to move at all. I was upside down, very tired, in total frustration, chaos, sadness and lost.

Then on Saturday night I saw 活在邊緣　from RTHK, followed by the movie 女人本色 on the movie channel. I have not had such a big impact for a long time.

In this episode, 活在邊緣 talks about an old woman whose daughter has committed suicide because her husband has abandoned them and her mother-in-law accused her of being a very bad curse. The old woman then has to gather cardboard boxes to earn a living. At the same time, this other young boy of age 8 or 9 probably was doing the same thing because he has to earn a living for the younger brother and sister since their parents have abandoned them.

Despite all the things about pattern that I have learnt (that before age 35 you can still say that things are happening for external reasons but after age 35 everything happens is of your own doing), I cannot help but feel sorry for them. But the impact that comes to me is the respect that they shown for their "profession". And it dawned on me that I have never really truly given significance or respect or value to my own job. People all around me are trying to get a living, and I dare to toss the job away as if I don't care. I have not shown the right respect for the job that I was in. I have not given the deserved dignity and love to my profession. I have not learnt to view it from the angle of respect and treasure (尊重和珍惜). I guess this is something for me to learn before I venture onto my next job or career. That's good.

Tears were flowing down my face already and watching 女人本色 definitely adds to the river of tears. I quite like the script and the story line.

Gigi Leung as the main character 成在信 can be considered quite a tragic person. What happened to her is quite dramatic. What I like about the script and the story is that at critical moments, she made her choice based on a very simple rule – it was always the relationship involved that has the upper hand. That is no thing that she would do to sacrifice a relationship - be it the cheating from her neighbour; the taking on of the debt for her husband, the taking on of the blame from her life long friend of his father’s suicide; the taking on of the "dumb" and "easy money" from her investment friend; the scapegoat for the CEO of the company. Relationship is what she cares. It's that simple. At the end, as a person, she wins quite dignifiedly. Cause and effect to its ultimate is shown quite beautifully here as well.

After I saw this movie, it started to make me question all my past values, my past beliefs, my past so called power and strength and my past confidence. It is as if they are all wrong. This feeling of powerless and don’t quite know what to think anymore lingers on till Sunday morning, and I cannot help but lead myself to a big big cry. I do not seem to get my hands around things anymore. They are not what they seem, they are not what I think; all my concepts, what I have learnt, seemed completely irrelevant and wrong.

I feel empty.

Good Old Friends

My heart hurts, not because of a meal about my birthday – it's never really about the birthdays anyways – but a time and place where old friends can get together to see each other, just to be in each other's presence, and enjoy each other's story.

It just broke my heart to see how certain facts and genuine thoughts cannot be said straight in the face among "good" friends anymore. And I feel bad for never having the right people skills even I have the purest intention in the heart to be the mediator.

I am angry because there is no respect shown. I guess it's rightful too for my friend to feel the same way too given my tone on the telephone. I am angry too because one side is trying to play a trick – at least that's how I see it. A miscommunication maybe, and perhaps I may have taken it too seriously. Anger is never the way to resolve a tightened situation. I am too naïve.

This morning I have decided not to do anything, letting things be they are, and go as planned. To me old friendships are worth more than anything after all. And then I received the phone call. It's just interesting to see how things unfold. Nature sure has her way of doing things and how an interesting twist and turn of the story indeed.

To try to be in a central position holding the balance is not easy. I have taken a position and this disturbs the balance. It comes to that breaking point where things have to be rotten first before a rebirth can take place. 所謂，物先腐而後生。

Two things I am proud of though: for one, that one of my friends has the guts to move forward with such a resolution. Then secondly, one thing that I can be certain of is my other good friend is in a pair of good protecting hands – whether I acknowledged the way the protection is being done is another matter. This is because one thing that I did not know is what is the genuine feelings that this pair of good protecting hands have.

I sincerely hope that things are happening for the better.

Higgs Boson

Was totally intrigued by this article that I read on the Economist.

http://www.economist.com/science/displayStory.cfm?story_id=10875666&fsrc=nwlgafree

I googled it a bit on what is Higgs boson and boy am I in for a big, delightful surprise.

There is Emptiness in the field of Physics and Science!

This may even be able to explain Samsara - later.

Check it out yourself.

禪宗六祖慧能大師

人們都熟知六祖慧能的禪偈，我也想道出它的來由，是回應他師父五祖弘忍大師門下大弟子神秀大師的偈。

先有

身是菩提樹，心如明鏡臺，
時時勤拂拭，莫使有塵埃。
-神秀-

再有

菩提本無樹，明鏡亦非臺；
本來無一物，何處惹塵埃！
-惠能-


這是靈性道路上一個很好的參照。

Fear

Fear. We fear when we face something that seems more powerful than, or unbeknown to us.

But once we realize that we have that same something within ourselves, there is nothing to be afraid of anymore.

And not only that.

At this moment in time, there is no need to, no place to, even talk about power anymore. The feeling then arisen will be, without a choice, Love. Love is Powerless. Love is Empty.

As the famous quote from Carl Jung says: "Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other."

I suddenly remember the scene when all the Maras were attacking Buddha as one of the final test before the Enlightenment.... They all turned into flowers....

I wonder if I can do the same when I see a cockroach flying towards me.

神探 (Mad Detective) 與大隻佬 (Running on Karma)

Just finished watching 神探 (Mad Detective) on TV. Somehow a disturbing feeling lingers on. From a psychospiritual perspective the movie is unsettled..

Not that I do not like the movie. The movie is quite innovative in a sense, visually depicting the inner selves with physical actors. Quite vivid. For my Innerwork and Brugh friends, we can definitely appreciate how this is presented - what we called Shadows. Yet the disturbing fact is the movie 神探 did not show the redeeming factor as the other movie 大隻佬 (Running On Karma) did.

Personally I prefer the latter. To me the first one is the simplified and incomplete version of the latter. It is only showing the first phase of our life journey - our path - being able to recognize the different parts in ourselves. These parts are not integrated, which is the true resolution.

劉德華 (Andy Lau) is like 劉青雲 (Sean Andy??!!). They both possess the gift of being able to perceive the Karma/Shadow in another person. Andy became angry himself, seeing all the violence "past" of the people that surround him. Sean Andy became arrogant, seeing all the greed around him. They both used their gift, their shadows to do good, hoping that they can change the world. Yet both of them failed to see past themselves.

In 大隻佬, the failure for Andy to see past himself is shown as the inflated size Andy as 大隻佬. Only when Andy is able to confront his own internal violent self, then come face to face with it, then accept him finally as part of himself (through LOVE and COMPASSION), was he able to set himself free, and became skinny again - his original and natural self that integrates both sides of him. Not two but one. And which is when he is able to pick up and wear his cassock (袈裟) again - he has just made a giant leap in his spiritual journey - and move on.

In 神探, all this time Sean Andy is in his shadow of being the God-detective, so arrogant, so inhuman. Only in two moments can we catch a glimpse of his human self. The first one is the ear-cutting scene and the second is the scene towards the end when he finally admits that he too is human. And that's the point where he sacrificed his live. Integration is not shown here, or rather, a more Zen way of saying it, that's resolved through death.

That is the disturbing part for me about 神探. There is still hope as shown in 大隻佬 and not necessarily the ending in 神探 if we do our work...

A side note to point out too is that in both movies, the two main characters are being led by their feminine (the anima) to their respective destiny.

BTW, Shadow and Karma are the same thing. Give it a thought and you have the gift. hehehehe....

The Ten Oxen woodcut

A very meaningful piece and I thought it's nice to share it here. Originally it was only the first eight woodcuts where most spiritual paths leave us. The wisdom of the later Zen masters produced the last two final pictures in the sequence to make the ten. (Excerpts from "Avalanche" by Dr. Brugh Joy.) And personally I think it has to be 10 - a nice round, complete whole number, which makes sense.

A nice commentary for these pictures can be found at:
http://www.jaysquare.com/ljohnson/ox-herding.html and
http://www.emoyeni-retreat.com/id99.htm.

Along side this woodcuts there is also another nice Zen saying worth mentioning, which has been nicely discussed by the famous Jungian Marie-Louise von Franz in her book "Alchemy". I quoted here:

"It is what the Zen Master said: "At the beginning of the process water is water and mountains are mountains and streams are streams" - that is the taste of a good steak, but for the ego, and that is no good. You have to go into a state where mountains are no longer mountains, streams no longer streams and water no longer water, which means you see them as similes. But at the end of the process mountains are again mountains and that would involve resolidifying the spirit."

"To get stuck in the middle, this way or the other, is bad. The process needs both movements so as not to become destructive, and that is so beautifully illustrated in alchemy: The body has to be spiritualized, and the spirit has to be incarnated, both things must take place."

IFC - Expect the Unexpected

Was still enjoying my free times and roamed to IFC Mall yesterday. Discoverd somethings quite intersting and beautiful.

Notice the sign that was actually printed on the window seals?! I cannot think of a better way to warn off persons whom might like to sit on the window seals. How thoughtful.



And the second poster. What a lovely mandala picture, and especially composed of food items. How fulfilling!



Indeed, expect the unexpected. I can use one.

Sister and Me

I just want to tell you that, I love you so sister.

Beijing

Just came back from a short trip to Beijing. Last time I was there at 1994 and it was such a big change. I already liked the city last time and this time I like it even more.

(Photos are at: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=16290&l=13bad&id=622549829)

Beijing has all the essence of being Chinese. There is old and there is modern. There was history and the place is creating history. People there shows a peculiar sense of pride and peace at the same time. As the capital city, it has all the best before and is keeping it today. Weather wise, it still maintains a distinct four season. Residents there shows a healthy lifestyle, enjoying what the landscape provides them. I got to see old people exercising and gathering in parks and gardens. Maybe I should go there to retire.

Last time I did not get to see the Summer Palace and the place is a must go. Such nice scenery even in the cold winter.

And the Tong Ren Tang, Beijing has all the highest grade doctors there. That place really impresses me.

Maybe I should really consider seriously about retiring there ...

The Interview with God

Was cleaning my browser Favorites and found this little treasure again. I forgot when have I received this already but I would go back to it from time to time and It still continue to work its magic on me times and again.

Have sound turned on when you view this and you won't regret it.

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/viewmovie.html